Welcome the Black Parade

Monday, September 17, 2007 12:20 AM

So i took yet another hiatus from blogspot. Feeling freaking sian of everything around now. Mugging like some nerd from R.I. Bloody prelims. Bloody high expectations from parents. bah.

Anyway, i got bored and decided to write some shit which is pretty realistic and can be related of what i am going through. Though its probably hardly viable. I need a break from life man. Crushed by a crush. =/

As the ends of the cigarette burns away and turn to ashes, I ponder. I related my life with this long stick of nicotine. My life was eroding away just the same. The ash thrown away was just like my past, stored away some where etched deep in my soul. Fragments and pieces it was, just like the scattering ashes, so lucid but yet insignificant. I look back at my the ephemeral joys of childhood with reminiscence. The good, the bad, the happy times, the carefree times and the miserable days with sad and emo demeanours. I stare aimlessly at what I have become of currently just as I would glance at what is left of the cigarette. I need to change for the better just as how a new cigarette looks like. Innocent and untouched, emitting an aroma of freshly compacted tobacco straight from the factory. It reminded me of how I was a child, when the only girl in my life was my mother, where pain meant scraped knees on the playground, where love was nothing but words said to kith and kin, where war was nothing but a card game and drugs were no more than cough mixture prescribed by doctors which inscribe trepidation.
As of now, girlfriends come along, parents drift. Healthy vegetables laid forcefully on the plate replaced with chicken saute in 200 degrees burning heat and skin scalping oil. The need to fit in and coining identities sets in, overshadowing the kid who used to not care how he looked like and behaves in public. Peer pressure was not to play in park or mesmerise in computer games but instead to temper with drugs and booze. The boy who used to be afraid of puberty now besieges it with ascending ego. Drinking 8 cups of water was the rule but the rule was abolished to 8 cups of vodka. The liver is corroding for gods sake, the brain is deteriorating to a retarded state for heavens sake, the lungs are turning to dark gloomy patches of tar for your own sake and the heart which was so soft, warm blooded and strong has been damaged with fatty acids and clogging passageways tinted with not a tad but a wholesome of coldness.
This heart, it has endured painful times, times of big trouble, it aches so badly whenever its being is insulted or reprimanded with cynicism and pessimism. It is becoming no longer a heart but a stone, immune against this criticism. But somehow, someone new always finds a way to embrace it, mould it, and treat it with tender loving care and most of all destroying it into oblivion like a new viral infection created every month. Currently, she jokes, she pokes fun and she thinks of it as enjoyable. But what she does not know, is that she has touched this raw side of mine, painfully stabbing it unknowingly and continuously with a knife so invisible like the refractive index of thin air. The chain reaction then occurs like uranium reactions, the ego is deflated, the self-confidence is diminished, the character affected, the insecurity sets in and the perspectives attempting to change. All this just for the sake of putting a halt to this emotional turpitude and distasteful comments of humour and fun. Begging her to show some apathy, empathy and sympathy.
Fuck this as usual and as per normal. Continuation would lead to nothingness and emptiness. Train of thoughts will meander to balls of wool, emotions will stir the smile to grimace and create insomnia. Days which are buffo will be affected with vertigo. So I ask myself again, why bother caring? Shouldn't I be enjoying life to the fullest since love is transitory but at is eternal? I don't have long to live and nothing will last. So let's all smoke another joint and unwind surreptitiously shall we? Aloha.
I pledge this was written with no sarcasm or batteries included. Not to be read by children under the age of three. Big time innocence hazard.